“I’m not going to audition for the musical.” My young friend looked me in the eye and said it. I asked a few follow up questions, but all her answers made sense. She didn’t want to deal with the drama of the drama people. She didn’t want all the stress because she knew she had a good chance of getting a major role. She wanted to get a job and make some money, so she could go out and have fun with her friends her senior year. She knew she wasn’t going to pursue anything with theater after she graduated, so she just didn’t see the point.
A few days later my young friend and her mom showed up at my door. “We need you to give us some advice.” Even though I was reluctant to give advice (said with false humility and sarcasm), I agreed to listen. “Mom wants me to audition, and I don’t want to.” Once again I listened to her well-thought out reasons and justifications. Then I turned and heard her mom’s sadness as she thought of her daughter’s high school experience ending without the lead role in the spring musical. Her mother had watched her light up on stage for years. She watched her daughter soar in many shows, and she quietly beamed inside with pride. Her mom had a hard time imagining watching the spring production without her daughter on stage, and yet my young friend insisted she was at peace with not auditioning.
After I encouraged my good friend to let her daughter make her own decisions and bear the burden of the potential regret, I turned and asked a few questions to my young friend, a struggling Ice Queen like myself. How much of this decision is based on your desire for control? To control your destiny and not do what everyone expects you to do? How much is based on your desire for shock value? The fact that everyone would be shocked that she didn’t audition because they all knew the part was hers. Trust me, I get shock value. I get the rush of the Ice Queen when people are surprised. Which choice requires more faith? She knew the cost of time and energy of having a major part in a musical. It would cost a lot, and she was afraid that it would cost too much with little return. She preferred the more predictable choice of the job at the local chocolate shop where she got a paycheck at the end of the week and predictable hours.
The Ice Queen does what she wants, but the Princess does what the Father wants. The Ice Queen won’t go anywhere she doesn’t want to go, especially when she can’t see the end. The Princess goes where the Father asks her to go, even if she doesn’t see the point. The Ice Queen carefully measures her own time and energy, but the Princess trusts the King to give her the time and energy to do what he has called her to do. The Ice Queen has to make her own provisions. The Princess trusts the Father to provide for all her needs. The Ice Queen seeks her own glory and carefully strategizes her placement. The Princess trusts the Father to place her where she needs to be to glorify him.
When they left, I didn’t know what my young friend would decide. A few days later she told me that she had auditioned. “It was the best audition I had ever given. I usually walk away not liking what I did, but this time, I knew it went really well.” That’s what happens when a Princess walks into a room trusting God to be at work. The pressure isn’t on her because she is just doing what God made her to do. The Ice Queen only trusts herself and her own ability, which makes her incredibly nervous because she knows her weaknesses.
After the audition, my young friend got a call back to audition again for the lead roles. At one point, she decided not to participate in another reading for a different part that she didn’t want. However she heard God tell her that she needed to go do everything that was asked of her. Like a true Princess, she went back into the audition on the arm of the King, entrusting herself to him. Providentially she was able to read again for the part she really wanted, an opportunity she wouldn’t have had if she had left.
A few days later the cast list was posted. She had the female lead, the part everyone knew she would get. But more importantly she learned what it felt like to completely trust the Father. To walk into a situation, knowing that it was all up to him. To set aside what she wanted and to do what he wanted her to do. Now that she knows what that feels like, she will also know what it feels like when the Ice Queen is pushing, driving and not trusting the King to be in charge.
“… but [Jesus] continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.” (I Peter 2:23)
Maybe you don’t have an audition, but maybe he’s asking you to go into a job interview or on a date with that guy who keeps asking you. Maybe he’s asking you to make a phone call or write a letter, but you just don’t see the point. No matter what the situation is, the question for the Princess still remains: Will you entrust yourself to him?