Trophy Wife

Published April 23, 2012 by joypatton

“Does Andrew ever make you feel like a princess?” the counselor asked.  We had been in marriage counseling for a few months, and I thought carefully about my answer to his question.  “Yes, he does,” I replied.  The times I feel the most like a princess are the times we dress up to attend special events in the Christian Music Industry, like the Dove Awards which we attended this past week.  It’s almost like going to prom every year.  I buy a new dress complete with accessories, and he wears a suit.  My job is to stand next to him, look pretty and not reveal industry secrets.  I am a trophy wife.  Some women are offended by this term because it implies that all I do is sit silently on a shelf and look pretty.  But the term doesn’t bother me because I know that to Andrew I am much more than a trophy.  He also sees me as a business partner, lover, advisor, mother of his children, sister in Christ, and best friend, and that makes me feel like a Princess when I’m with him.  So when we go out and I look good on his arm, that’s just fun.

I remember at one event we sat at a table with two other people.  All night the conversation revolved around Christian radio.  Never once did the other two people ask me anything about my life.  It seemed when they found out I was a stay-at-home mom with four kids, they couldn’t think of anything else to ask me.  They had no idea that I taught Bible studies or ESL for adults (okay so maybe those aren’t very interesting things to talk about either).  I could have been crushed that no one noticed me or cared about anything in my world.  I could have seen their disregard for my life as a judgment of its value.  Instead I walked away grateful for free food and a night away from my kids.  Plus I loved watching Andrew at work.  He was so good at what he did, and he loved it very much.  I remember that he apologized at the end of the evening that no one asked about my life and promised he would never ask me to do that again.  I knew his heart was for me and that he was looking out for me.  I knew that he thought what I did every day was valuable.  I knew that even if my life seemed insignificant to others, it was significant to him.  I knew that he was proud to be with me and not ashamed.  As we walked to the car, my heart was full.

When I go out with Andrew Patton all dolled up and looking pretty on his arm, I know that I am secure in his love.  I know that he knows about my world and that he cares.  I know that he knows how smart I am and so I don’t have to prove it with witty conversation and small talk with people I don’t know.  I am grateful and proud just to be with him and watch him work a room.  Knowing how much he loves me and that he values me makes me feel like a Princess.  I have nothing to earn because I have his love.  I have nothing to prove because I know he knows me better than anyone else and loves me anyway.

Spiritually speaking when a Princess walks into a room on the arm of the King, her only job is to smile, look pretty and in turn make the King look good.  She knows that no matter what other people say or think about her, the King Father thinks she is beautiful and valuable, after all he adopted her to be his Princess.  She doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone else because she is on the arm of the King.  She doesn’t need to boast about what she has done or strive to get noticed.  She has already been noticed by the most important person in the room.  If things go well, the King looks good.  If things fall apart, he is still the King.  If someone attacks her, he protects her.  If she doesn’t know what to say or do, he whispers in her ear, puts his arm around her waist and gently guides her to where she needs to be.  When she is the beautiful Princess he made her to be, He is glorified.

So who makes you feel like a Princess?  Can you see yourself as a Princess on the arm of the King Father?  

Husbands: does your wife know how valuable she is to you?  Wives: have you said thank you to your husband for the big and small ways he makes you feel like a Princess?

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One comment on “Trophy Wife

  • This is absolutely one of the best blogs you have written! It was so encouraging…I feel this way about my husband and it was so nice to read such encouragement about marriage…so much blogging is done about the negative and this was positive. it is a great joy to be our husband’s helpmate…and contrary to what many women believe, being a submissive helpmate is not about being silent and never having your own opinion or personality. I find when my husband leads me joyfully, it allows me to be a more joyful, independent wife, with my own hobbies and talents. Thanks for sharing this!

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